Friday, November 14, 2008

You Can't Tell Me What to Do

Having a tough day as I realize exactly what a job I have ahead of me. Some days my mind wanders to the darkness and I think: "I could be HALF my weight and just be slightly under normal". Or "What have you done to yourself, you are such a cow!". Perhaps my perspective is all wrong. Perhaps I'm just painfully honest. Whatever it is, it's bringing me down.

Whenever this happens, it helps to try to serve others. Hosted my dear friend with a newborn, her 5th, and going through the exciting turmoil of hormone fluctuations, needy kids, and not fitting into her old pants yet. It felt good to have her in my home and fix a healthy meal, hang out and talk about how motherhood is hard but good, and how we are still beautiful, smart, and funny even though we're shopping in the plus size section.

Since I think I'm basically talking to myself (does ANYBODY even know about this blog?), I wonder if I needed the support I thought the blog would give or if, like I feared, I'm in this completely by myself.

Desk Job Junkie just posted about his eating plan, and because I know that diets don't work, only a permanent lifestyle change works, then I sit in a moment of repose...eating cookies, and wondering about what permanent lifestyle changes I should make...and if it will hurt.

My memory has been preaching to me of past phases of my life and my relationship with God and food. I have an eating plan, I think, that will help my body and mind clear. I even tracked the miles Curves for Women is from my home. It's 2.5 miles. I could ride my bike, do that old ladies workout (that I actually kindof like), and ride home. Moving is key to all of this right?

I also reconnected with a dear old friend this week. She is so smart, here is something that she said:

Every time we start something new, especially changing old ingrained habits, there's an uphill battle before it gets easier. Each of the 3 times in my life that I've been successful at losing weight, it was really hard for about 2 weeks before it seemed doable. C.S. Lewis said that sinners think people who haven't sinned don't understand it as well as they do. But he said that those who haven't given in to sin understand it best because they rode it out until the temptation was gone-- those who give in never know how tough it would have gotten if they hadn't given in. Hard things don't generally stay hard. That's one of the greatest things about our God-in-embryo natures.

Which brings me to the beginning of a lifestyle change. The last few times I tried to overhaul my diet, around day 3 I started to feel really picked on. I felt like "they" were trying to boss me around and take away my freedom to choose. You can't tell me what to do!! I would eventually say while eating my second helping of ice cream. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. But the tidbit above (thanks S.W.S.) helps put that in perspective.

So just re-grouping here. Started building up the pantry for my healthier menus rolling around my head. Slowly we're getting this out in words, where they will stick, and not be forgotten.

6 comments:

*Monica* said...

I just stumbled onto your blog and love it! I agree totally with some of the things you said, but disagree slightly with the lifestyle change. I think it's very hard to make a total "lifestyle change" right of the bat. I think sometimes starting a "diet" can help us move into healthier habits. As you stay on a diet long term you realize that you continue to make healthier choices as they become habits. The only lie in a diet is thinking that you can go back to your old habits someday. Moving is always good, but the times in my life I have lost the most weight it was all about the eating. I have exercised my hind end off, but without the healthy eating it doesn't do much. On the other hand you can still lose weight by eating healthy even if you aren't exercising much. Go figure, it's not fair. Good luck on the lifestyle change!

Fat Mo-Mom said...

Monica, thank you for your input. I was just wondering to myself what has the greater impact on good health? exercise or diet.

*Monica* said...

My husband was fortunate enough to become a certified personal trainer for his fire department a couple of years ago, and he tells me it all boils down to the diet. You would think that with all his "personal attention" I would have no trouble losing weight, but I struggle so much. I am finally back on the original plan he designed for me after trying all sorts of other things that didn't work, and I am proud to say that I am down 11 pounds! Yay, now just 30 more to go, lol.

Anonymous said...

I just read your blog and I am in agreement with how you feel. I am also overweight and am doing my best to lose it, but I tend to dwell more on the cow statment than the being Half my weight. Maybe that is the problem. Maybe I need to be more positve with myself as I am trying to lose the unwanted pounds. I have 65 pounds to lose to be at the size I want. I am not as brave as you to post it for the world to see, but I like reading your stuff, so I will comment along the way with you and maybe we can shed the pounds together.

Fat Mo-Mom said...

Monica, Losing 11 pounds is like giving birth to twins. Legitimate accomplishment even if you are not your goal weight. Twins! Congratulations!

Anonymous, I could lose 65 and just hit the middle of my normal range...I'm excited to think we could ride this out together?

P.S. I am not "brave". I am taking great pains to be anonymous, and would absolutely cringe if my sisters, brothers, parents, or neighbors recognized me and found out my weight.

*Monica* said...

I'm not sure that 11 pounds is equivalent to twins, but I appreciate the enthusiasm! Today was harder, I have been losing weight for about 3 weeks now and I am through the horrible cravings for the most part, but my will power was sorely tested today. I made chocolate-chip cookies for the fam this weekend and I have only had 4 of them, but they look sooooo good. I desperately want to lose 15 more pounds before Christmas when all of my relatives come to visit.