You Can't Tell Me What to Do

Having a tough day as I realize exactly what a job I have ahead of me. Some days my mind wanders to the darkness and I think: "I could be HALF my weight and just be slightly under normal". Or "What have you done to yourself, you are such a cow!". Perhaps my perspective is all wrong. Perhaps I'm just painfully honest. Whatever it is, it's bringing me down.

Whenever this happens, it helps to try to serve others. Hosted my dear friend with a newborn, her 5th, and going through the exciting turmoil of hormone fluctuations, needy kids, and not fitting into her old pants yet. It felt good to have her in my home and fix a healthy meal, hang out and talk about how motherhood is hard but good, and how we are still beautiful, smart, and funny even though we're shopping in the plus size section.

Since I think I'm basically talking to myself (does ANYBODY even know about this blog?), I wonder if I needed the support I thought the blog would give or if, like I feared, I'm in this completely by myself.

Desk Job Junkie just posted about his eating plan, and because I know that diets don't work, only a permanent lifestyle change works, then I sit in a moment of repose...eating cookies, and wondering about what permanent lifestyle changes I should make...and if it will hurt.

My memory has been preaching to me of past phases of my life and my relationship with God and food. I have an eating plan, I think, that will help my body and mind clear. I even tracked the miles Curves for Women is from my home. It's 2.5 miles. I could ride my bike, do that old ladies workout (that I actually kindof like), and ride home. Moving is key to all of this right?

I also reconnected with a dear old friend this week. She is so smart, here is something that she said:

Every time we start something new, especially changing old ingrained habits, there's an uphill battle before it gets easier. Each of the 3 times in my life that I've been successful at losing weight, it was really hard for about 2 weeks before it seemed doable. C.S. Lewis said that sinners think people who haven't sinned don't understand it as well as they do. But he said that those who haven't given in to sin understand it best because they rode it out until the temptation was gone-- those who give in never know how tough it would have gotten if they hadn't given in. Hard things don't generally stay hard. That's one of the greatest things about our God-in-embryo natures.

Which brings me to the beginning of a lifestyle change. The last few times I tried to overhaul my diet, around day 3 I started to feel really picked on. I felt like "they" were trying to boss me around and take away my freedom to choose. You can't tell me what to do!! I would eventually say while eating my second helping of ice cream. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. But the tidbit above (thanks S.W.S.) helps put that in perspective.

So just re-grouping here. Started building up the pantry for my healthier menus rolling around my head. Slowly we're getting this out in words, where they will stick, and not be forgotten.

Why Mormon?

Being fat in the United States is getting more and more common everyday. Being a fat Mormon doesn't separate me from others struggling to unveil their confident self hiding under layers of chub. Whether they be "big-boned" scholars, mommies, atheists, workers, or students...being fat fundamentally limits all sides in one way or another.

So why bring up the Mormon thing? Well, for one because I believe it. I love it. Also because of it's beautiful doctrine about the body, and what a gift it is. And please keep in mind, I am not here for Bible-bashing or religious mockery. Good people abound in all faiths. Here's some of the goodness from my faith:

"The spirit and the body are the soul of man"

This is from our scripture Doctrine and Covenants . I love how simple this is. History and our own human passions have made compelling arguments that the body, with all of its weaknesses and frailties, is simply holding back our true spirit. Mormons are unique from most other Christians who commonly believe that Jesus does not have a body and that he is an all-encompassing spirit.

Not only do Mormons affirm that the Savior maintains his perfected resurrected body, we also recognize that our living breathing bodies we enjoy now are essential tools for our spirit. The body completes the spirit, making it a force to exercise its choice to bridle passions, read to our kids, get good grades, develop patience, pray daily, or cheat on our spouse. And also whether to eat all the leftover Halloween candy.

Essentially, this body is our testing grounds for that spirit that derived from our Father in Heaven. We want it to be clean and in good running condition, so that in the event our God needs to communicate to us through the still small voice, we won't be sidetracked by alcohol, hate, or chocolate.

Spirit + Body = Soul

Taking care of this body is good for the spirit, good for the soul.